The 'All my friends are dead' Support Group
by Sarah-Jane-Longbottom
Summary: John needed a flat share, he couldn't keep 221B on an army pension. But the man that shows up at his door is rather odd with some ridiculous ears, but hes lost someone too. Maybe, just maybe, they can help each other get through this. Pairings: Sherlock/John and Merlin/Arthur
1. Chapter 1

1

He needed a flat share. There was no way around it. It was pretty hard work trying to keep 221B when he was never at work; it was just too hard to focus on Mrs Jackson's bunions when his mind kept replaying the scene of his best friend tumbling down from the top of Saint Barts. He'd put an ad in the paper three weeks ago but no one had replied. Guess no one wanted to live in the household of a fake genius with the live-in PA he duped.

Grabbing his empty cup from the coffee table he wondered into the kitchen to get a head start on his chores. Mrs Hudson had gone to her sisters for a few weeks and as a result the flat had been getting a bit grimy, even with her insisting that she wasn't his housekeeper. Filling the sink with hot water he piled in cutlery and cups first, scrubbing them clean with perhaps more force than needed. Pulling them from the soapy water he rinsed them under the tap before placing them in a wire drying rack. His hands found the Edge of the bench. Still soaking wet he gripped it until his knuckles turned white. He let his head fall till his chin hit his chest. He stood like that for god knows how long. Time was irrelevant at that moment. All his focus was on his breathing. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.

When we was finally jerked back to reality it was dark and his phone was vibrating against his leg. He slowly pried his stiff fingers from where they were still gripping the marble, stretching them before fishing his phone from his front pocket.

**From: Unknown Number**

**Hi, I read your ad about the flat and I was wondering if the offer was still standing. If it is I would love to come down and (hopefully) accept the offer. **

He stood staring at the phone for a few seconds trying to figure out what just happened. It was no sooner was he wondering who the message was from that his phone vibrated again, the image of a closed envelope flashed across his screen.

**From: Unknown Number **

**The names Merlin by the way. **

* * *

It had been three days since John had text Merlin back telling him the offer was still open and would be happy to meet up and give him a tour. Three days since they had organized a time to meet up at 221B. And he was late. 10 minutes late to be precise. He sat in the living room, foot tapping against the carpet floor. On the coffee table sat two Luke warm glasses of tea and a sugar pot filled to the brim. He pushed himself up off the sofa and gathered the tea supplies, carrying them to the kitchen. He tipped out the cool brown liquid down the sink and filled the kettle, settling it on the cook top to boil. He leaned against the counter top as he waited to make two new cups of tea when the sound of heavy footsteps blundering upstairs filled the room.

"sorry I'm late I was-" a deep voice sounded out as a skinny form with a mop of dark hair rushed into the living room.

"kitchen" John called out as he grabbed a tea towel and grabbed the kettle filled with now boiling water. As he turned back to the living room the mop of dark hair had become a face and was now standing in the arch way. His eyes where a piercing blue and his ears where absolutely ridiculous. He wore an tattered blue Hoodie and red scarf. His hair was pushed up at an awkward angle on one side and his lips where curled up in a shy smile. John raised the kettle slightly "tea?"

"oh yes. Thank you" he poured two cups of hot water, placed a tea bag in each.

"take a seat. Milk?" he gestured vaguely to the living area before turning to the fridge, leaving an awkward looking visitor in limbo between the two rooms.

"um yeah and no, thank you" John poured a small amount of milk in his cup as Merlin wandered around looking for a seat. He eventually choose the seat next to the fireplace facing the kitchen. Unease filled John's stomach.

"not there!" he screamed before Merlin could even connect with the cushions. Merlin simply looked at him with a curious eyes. It was then John realized how crazy he must look screaming with a pint of milk in his hand "sorry, just...not there" to Merlin's merit he didn't question it, simply walked over the long couch pointing at the seat, not sitting until John gave a small nod. With cheeks flaming he turned back to the tea, putting the milk away and placing both steaming cups on the tea tray along with the sugar dish. He took a second to collect himself before picking up the tray and carrying it to the living room. He placed it on the coffee table before sitting down and passing Merlin his cup. And offering him the sugar dish. Long fingers reached out and grasped two sugar cubes with a small smile, stirring them into his tea with the tea bag. John picked up his own glass taking a sip before turning to the dark haired man.

"so your Merlin then" he started off, placing his cup on the table.

"Yeah that's me"

"no last name?" Merlin's face fell slightly as he turned back to his tea

"Was never given one. Some people call me Emrys. But that hasn't been for a long time" his voiced hitched slightly at the end, almost un-noticeable. He took a long sip of tea.

"well Merlin, it's nice to meet you" John offered his hand Merlin fumbled with his cup, placing it on the table and taking John's hand with a wide grin "So, why are you looking for a flat share then?"

"I've been on my own too long" his let his eyes drift towards to the window "time for a change"


	2. Chapter 2

2

After several cups of tea and a obscene amount of biscuits the two where chatting away like old friends. John found out that Merlin had several degrees and attended the most pristine university in britain. He didn't have a drivers license and goes walking down in whales every Saturday, he didn't tell John why. Overall it seem Merlin was the perfect candidate for a flat share. Kind, funny and a little bit odd. But what really sealed the deal was what he said after yet another around of tea.

"So you've lost someone huh?" John almost choked on his tea.

"what?" Merlin extended a long finger towards the chair by the fire place

"the chair" He tucked his legs under his thighs, taking a long sip of tea "who was it? A family member?" John shook his head "Girlfriend?" another shake "Boyfriend?" John laughed, eyes dampening.

"You could say that"

"I know what that's like" John's eyes shot up. His mouth hung open in surprise. He shook his head back into place.

"you've lost someone to?"

"It was a long time ago" he shrugged "Still hurts though"

"Yeah...don't I know it" they sat in silence after that, both boys needing a second to collect themselves as their nightmares revisited them in the light of day. This did not last though as John's curiosity got the best of him "Who did you lose then? A friend as well?"

"Oh, much more then that. Not that he ever knew though" his laugh was bitter and eyes cold "I had so much to tell him. All the things I did for him-only for him. The amount of times I put myself in the firing line without him even noticing" tears begun to fall down his cheeks, but they weren't tears of sadness but tears of anger. His eyes shot up to lock into John's "You know how everyone tells you that time is a great healer, that everything will get better as long as your patient? I've had more time than any man should and yet nothings better. Nothing has changed and yet everything feels different. It's like I've got bricks in my stomach but no matter how hard I try to get rid of them they just keep piling up, more and more until I can't walk, until I can't breath. But, at the same time, I feel so hollow. I've waited so long, I've held so much hope. I can't do it any more. I need to stop. I need to let go" John was speechless. Tears rolled down Merlin's pale cheeks whilst John's own threatened to fall. John extended an arm out to the young man, hand falling on his shoulder.

"Yeah, me too mate" He gave the bony shoulder a light squeeze "me too" Merlin smiled lightly, wiping his eyes on his sleeve cuff "Welcome to 221B"

* * *

Merlin didn't have much stuff. A pillow, some clothes, a suit case of old books and what looked like a medieval water skin. The benefit to this was that he was unpacked and moved into the spare room in less than a day. The down side was that this meant John would have to go do the grocery shopping instead of just flopping down on the couch for some crap telly and a warm beer. Merlin had offered to go but John had shot him down telling him to settle in properly and relax. he'd set off an hour ago and was now returning with two bags of milk, eggs, bread and toilet necessities. He'd also brought a small cheese pizza on the way home for dinner, no point cooking when there was nothing to cook with.

Opening the door he found a confused Merlin wandering around the the living room, looking under cushions and behind seats.

"lost something?" he placed the plastic bags on the kitchen table, unpacking the refrigerated foods and putting them away.

"Can't find the TV remote" Merlin muttered to himself, running his hand through is hair.

"on the mantel next to the skull" Merlin gave him a strange look "I get lonely to you know"

"Fair enough" he mumbled. After moving a few old bank statements and thank you letters aside Merlin found the remote with a triumphant sound. I've settled himself back down on the couch and turned the TV on whilst John brought over paper plates, two beers and the pizza "you got us pizza?"

"yeah, crap Telly and pizza. Best start to a flat share in my opinion. Also there's nothing in the kitchen that's is edible enough to be called food" he shrugged grabbing a plate and two pieces of pizza. Merlin followed suit, grabbing a piece to and biting into it. They ate in silence as they sipped in their beer and watched Miss Marple.

* * *

"knew it was the gardener" John shouted once the credits begun to roll.

"what?" Merlin laughed with a gut full of beer. They might be a bit drunk. Tipsy more like.

"the sleeves Merlin. His sleeves" John pointed to the TV enthusiastically, smiling a little to widely at John.

"of course. The sleeves!" Merlin replied sarcastically with a smack to his forehead. John pushed him lightly.

"shut up. Sherlock said I would always see but not observe, well look at me now!" he threw his hands out to the sides in a grand gesture causing his beer to sloop out of it's bottle and onto his lap.

"So that's his name huh? The mystery man" John have him a puzzled look.

"Yeah. You didn't know that?" Merlin's eyebrows furrowed.

"You never mentioned it" John put his beer back on the table. His eyes focused on the rows of water that gathered around his fingers.

"Do you read the papers? Go on the Internet? Anything?" His hand retracted from the bottle, looking up at Merlin but not focusing his eyes on his.

"No. All too depressing in my opinion. If something happens...I'll know" John gave him a quizzical look, stumbled to his feet, and headed towards the hallway, hands running across the peeling wall.

"I'm going to bed"

"Your bedrooms upstairs"

"I know. But Sherlock's is down here"


	3. Chapter 3

3

The first thing he heard when he woke curled up in Sherlock's old coat and sporting the mother of all hangovers was the smoke alarm followed by a small voice having, what sounded like, a coughing fit.

"oh hey-cough-you're-cough-awake" the sight that meet him in the small kitchen wasn't the most shocking one by far but it might just make it into his top ten. The room was filled to the brim with grey smoke that looked like it was coming from the cook top. The benches where covered with a thick layer of flour, butter and a empty egg cartoon upturned next to a pile of egg shells. The man in question was a mess himself. Egg white dripped from his hair, flour was smeared across his cheeks, there was even a bit of butter stuck to the back of his jeans. He wore a proud grin on his face as he picked up the charred remains of whatever he was cooking in a frying pan and scrapped a small portion each onto two plates "I made breakfast" John snapped out of his shocked state, rushing over to the window and opening it as wide as it could go. He grabbed a soiled tea towel and waved it in the air, ushering the smoke outside. Once the smoke had cleared enough to be able to see your hand in front of your face he grabbed Merlin by the arm to the living room and sat him down, still coughing away, on the coffee table.

"Stay here" he commanded grabbing Merlin's pale hand and placing it firmly on his chest "Concentrate on you breathing" at Merlin's nod he ran upstairs as fast as he could, collected his old medical bag and rushed back down again. Pulling out his stethoscope he pushed Merlin's red shirt up and pressed the cold metal over his heart. Merlin winced but remained still. Coughing when asked and trying to hold it in when asked "well you sucked in a lot of smoke but you should be fine" John tugged Merlin's shirt back down to his waist, packed up his bag and stood, heading towards the bathroom.

"I'm always fine" Merlin said with a wide smile and a wink that was soon ruined by a harsh cough.

"Go sit outside and clear those lungs. I'm going for a shower"

* * *

Sunday creeped up on both men. Before John could stumbled down the stairs in his bathrobe and boxer shorts at 6am for a piss Merlin was dressed, cleaned and heading out the door with a brittle piece of toast dangling in his mouth while shouting out when he'd be home. Four hours of extra sleep later and John was alone. His mouth stretched into a yawn as he when about making tea and scrabbled eggs. He flicked on the news on Sherlock's old Tranny.

"-body found under the London bridge. His is suspected to have been killed before thrown into the water. The man is identified as Sebastian Moran-" John spit out his mouthful of tea, dropping his cup on to the tiled floor where it shattered around his bear feet. His breath came out in short bursts. stars filled his vision and black spots grouped at the corner of his eyes. Frantically he gasped for air but none came to him. He was on the floor, side colliding with the porcelain shards, before he could blink an eye.

* * *

Merlin sat on the muddy banks, his feet dangerously close to the path of the tide wading softly in and out. His knees where drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them with his Chin laying softly on his forearm. There he waited. And hour, maybe two. Until the sun rose from the east to the center of the sky. Then he sat up straight, pulling his legs to the side, and grabbed his old leather bag. Pulling out an old square of parchment and and ball point pen he began to write.

**Dear Clotpole,**

**I found a flat. It's in the middle of London, far away from you. But I'm still coming down, waiting like always. **

**I'm sharing the place with a man called John. **

**He's lost someone too. **

Merlin carefully folded the paper into a boat. Standing with brown patches of mud drying on the back of his jeans, he lowered the boat gently into the water, the waves gently pulling it towards the horizon.

Merlin returned home soon after.

* * *

The first thing Merlin heard when he opened the door to 221B was John talking on his phone. The first thing he saw when he walked into the living room was John sitting in the edge of the couch, bare chested and bleeding. His medical bag was tipped out onto the coffee table, soiled cotton wool balls, antiseptic wipes, needle and thread and a water glass filled with small pieces porcelain. He was cradling his mobile between his shoulder and his ear causing his head to bend on an odd angle as he fished around his blood covered side with tweezers.

"Yeah, yeah, yes I'm sure Greg. Please just let me in the morgue. No, I can't just ask, she hasn't talked to me since...just get me in" it was then John noticed Merlin at the door, mouth slack open and bag half off his shoulder "just hold on a sec-" Merlin didn't let John complete his sentence before he was kneeling by his side, hands and eyes assessing the damage at his roommates waist.

"What happened?" He looked over at the glass of porcelain, noting the amount of small pieces as well as the large.

"I'll tell you later. What do you know about cleaning cuts?"

"Thankfully for you allot"

* * *

John was still talking on the phone. Lots of 'yes's and 'I know's and the occasional 'I understand that but's. Merlin had pushed him to lay on his un-injured side while he applied honey to the cuts and sewed them up with thin thread. He stopped every now and then to get John small glasses of beer. He was finishing up the last large cut when John hung up the phone with an annoyed groan.

"Bad news?"

"Not the best" he stopped rubbing his eyes with his palm when he noticed what Merlin was rubbing into his cut "is that...honey?"

"Yeah, works as an antiseptic" Merlin, still engrossed in his work, replied out the side of his mouth "little trick I picked from my trip to Egypt. But that was years ago" he cut the thread with scissors as he finished the last stitch and gave the cut one last wipe. He helped John sit up, pulling his robe across his shoulders

"And the beer?"

"Pain killer. Use to give it to the knights when I treated their battle wounds" Merlin stiffened.

"Knights?" John asked amused. Merlin stood swiftly, grabbing the soiled supplies and empty beer cans.

"Long story" he mumbled, throwing his armful of rubbish in their small bin with a bit more force then needed. Grabbing a bottle of water and a pack of sweets he returned to John and sat next to him, shoving the sweets and water into his hands "The beer would have made you dehydrated and your stomach was going off the whole time I was patching you up" John nodded.

"Thanks" they sat there in silence while John drank and ate. Merlin was staring up at the ceiling with an annoyed expression. After while he couldn't stand the silence any more.

"How did you end with half a china set lodged in your side?" It was johns turn to stiffen.

"Something I heard on the radio. Freaked me out a bit" he shuffled in his seat, wincing as it tugged at his stitches. The question was itching inside Merlin's cheeks but he couldn't bring himself to ask "ok fine, you deserve to know" he almost growled as his hands covered his face "I suffer from PTSD. It's gotten worse since...since Sherlock..." Merlin placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze "sometimes things trigger it worse then others. The man they just found dead under London Bridge was one of them" Merlin was leaning in close now.

"What front?" Johns head snapped up.

"Afghanistan" he replied with a half smile.

"Afghanistan, brutal" Merlin smiled "Somme" he pointed to himself.

"Somme? From World War 1?" John's eyebrows rose up "you do know you would have to be older than my nan to have fought in WW1 right?" Merlin burst out in laughter, holding his stomach as he curled forwards over his knees.

"Oh John, I'm allot older than your nan" he stood with a wicked grin on his face "Tea?"


End file.
